Okay, before anything, I'm talking about romantic love here.
I just find it funny how girls my age find themselves so certain about the thing called love. Can you possibly be in love this young? I mean, I like to think of love as a game. You should know how to play it good and play it well in order for you to not fall flat on your face and screw everything up. But with so little experience I can't really say anything.
Of course, I've had flings and "relationships" before if that's what you call them. But I don't know if they even count. I was too young and naive at the time. Well, I'm still young and naive now but you know what I mean. I was too young and too in love with the idea of love that I'm willing to take any heights for it.
I often look back and shook my head at the memory. I mean how stupid can I be? Why did I make those godawful choices? Why do I find it wrong now? Not before when I was doing it? I guess that's what love does to you. It makes wrong things feel right. Sometimes, it makes you do the wrong things for the reasons which you feel is more than enough.
Now, at the age of sixteen, I'm scared of the idea of love and the idea of commitment. I think it's because of the past experiences or maybe it's something personal.I don't know but I'm afraid. Every time I feel that love or romance is near me, I steer myself away cause I don't wanna deepen the affections or I don't wanna fall too far.
Wait, I just had a realization. I think it's because I'm afraid to be hurt. Yes, that's it. I'm scared. I don't want to feel pain. That's why I steer myself away from whatever that may cause me pain.
I know this might sound like I'm really bitter about love and I'm so negative about this stuff but no. Believe it or not, I do believe in love. I do believe in the magic it brings. I do believe in the good that comes with it. It's just the bad that scares me because of course, it's a package deal. It's not always rainbows and butterflies, it's not always hearts and flowers, happy endings are just too surreal in real life.
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